Posted by: nney | January 29, 2007

Charles Bukowski

how to be a good writer

 

you’ve got to fuck a great many women
beautiful women
and write a few decent love poems.

 

and don’t worry about age
and/or freshly-arrived talents.

 

just drink more beer
more and more beer

 

and attend the racetrack at least once a

 

week

 

and win
if possible

 

learning to win is hard -
any slob can be a good loser.

 

and don’t forget your Brahms
and your Bach and your
beer.

 

don’t overexercise.

 

sleep until moon.

 

avoid paying credit cards
or paying for anything on
time.

 

remember that there isn’t a piece of ass
in this world over $50
(in 1977).

 

and if you have the ability to love
love yourself first
but always be aware of the possibility of
total defeat
whether the reason for that defeat
seems right or wrong -

 

an early taste of death is not necessarily
a bad thing.

 

stay out of churches and bars and museums,
and like the spider be
patient -
time is everybody’s cross,
plus
exile
defeat
treachery

 

all that dross.

 

stay with the beer.

 

beer is continuous blood.

 

a continuous lover.

 

get a large typewriter
and as the footsteps go up and down
outside your window

 

hit that thing
hit it hard

 

make it a heavyweight fight

 

make it the bull when he first charges in

 

and remember the old dogs
who fought so well:
Hemingway, Celine, Dostoevsky, Hamsun.

 

If you think they didn’t go crazy
in tiny rooms
just like you’re doing now

 

without women
without food
without hope

 

then you’re not ready.

 

drink more beer.
there’s time.
and if there’s not
that’s all right
too.

Posted by: nney | January 19, 2007

Dream: January 18th, 2007

I was walking on a field with people I do not know (we were coming out of some where), however it seemed like I knew them, in the dream. I looked back to glance at the landscape, there was nothing but a dirt road between me and some trees that were all the way to the back, they were really red, I assumed it was because of the pollution that they looked red from far away, they look like if they were on flames, sort of. Then someone said some thing about how the trees looked like that because of the pollution.

I kept walking and turned to the left, I was alone then; I was at a place I dreamt about before once or twice, so I kind of knew where everything was, and I think it is also because of that that I realized it was a dream. I knew the ocean was to the right, so I looked down to give it a glance, a small and beautiful wave broke on the shore.

The ocean was of a very bright and nice blue, I could also see some white sea foam as the wave broke. I glanced at it only once and kept walking, and even though I’ve been in that place before, I knew I was walking toward an area I haven’t been to before. After walking a little, I looked to the left and I was surprised for the ocean was to the left too, I thought that was neat, but I immediatly thought that it can not be (the ocean was on the right), but it couldn’t be a pool for it was so deep…

Then I observed the water for a little while because it was so beautiful, bright green this time, and I could see the sunshine reflected on it, it was quite nice just to look at it. And then I started analizing or thinking again, this time about what the dream meant.

So there I was, in front of this beautiful ocean-pool, analizing what it was trying to tell me, however I soon realized what I was doing and didn’t want to waste more time thinking and I just jump into it, because it looked so cool and beautiful and I just knew I had to jump, hence I did, and I swam and I loved it, it was so easy… and then I knew what it meant (or at least that is wath I thought then) and so I saw this other person also swiming in the ocean-pool (I don’t who this person was) And we swam together.

Later.

Posted by: nney | November 22, 2006

having had absolutely no influence

I have been writing on a different blog, I started opening blogs for different subjects, dreams have their own blog (and I secretly wish for a kick ass therapist to one day causally find my dream blog) Oh and I also have a, ahem, a more passionate blog where I write about what I have done and what I have not done but wish I had, just to liberate some karma.. Oh and my high tech blog which is emptier than this one. I think I scatter because I could. Ahhh internet freedom. So I intend to write on this blog, what a (some?) segment (s) of my mind holds as, real? that is not the word.. My mind holds as normal? Regular? Coherent? Logical!! according to dictionary.com logical is:

–adjective
1. according to or agreeing with the principles of logic: a logical inference.
2. reasoning in accordance with the principles of logic, as a person or the mind: logical thinking.
3. reasonable; to be expected: War was the logical consequence of such threats.
4. of or pertaining to logic.

(War was the logical consequence of such threats???)

Yeah, what most people holds as logical. Though I have my doubts on what is logical; I have an example, this happened to me very recently:

So I have been meditating for the longest time ever, like months and all; but, the other day I stopped, I thought I would never stop again, but I did, and I did because I went to a party and I drank, so I came home and I knew it would not be good to meditate under the influence of alcohol, so I didn’t. Then I didn’t for the next few days (I think I think that I stopped on a rebellious act because I have not found a Meditation Master since I moved to México) (and I know that the master comes when the student is ready and it kind of bothers me that I guess I am not ready and all that thinking that in part, I am trying to extinguish with meditation, agh) so anyway, the next few days (the ones on which I did not meditate) were kind of weird, “reality” or my “awake” time was like, elastic, and like I lost control of it, and it is not that I had much control but I noticed that I felt like if I had (little by little) been thrown somewhere a-g-a-i-n. Like when the toilet is flushed. Not a big toilet though. It just was an ilogical mess, people and situations kept poping out  (of the seemingly nowhere) and I just had a harder time focusing, a pile of events and “unfinished” “issues” was formed quite rapidly.

Ok, ok, I think that’s enough for today; here, a happy song and the cutest video:

Margerine rock

The beauty of this creature could only be equalled by
the extent of its paradox only be equalled by
because it wanted two things
opposite and conflicted

It wanted the light, it wanted everything in sight
wanted to dominate or at least to participate
idling in the comfort
of its chair and its slippers

The curiosity of the extraordinary creature
was indeed limited because it could not suffer
the unknown, in any shape or form
at the same time it wanted to look everywhere

Set up in its seat at the top of its tower
the creature revelled in being a spectator
through the glass, what a glorious view
relishing the gift of so much transparence

Relishing the gift of so much transparence
having had absolutely no influence.

Posted by: nney | May 28, 2006

Bienvenida

That, which I call myself, all those layers, the memories in motion, and fixed; the thought generating mind that is connected to an specific individual consciousness, eso que soy, que digo que soy, que creo que soy, y por eso soy, eso, esa, it; esta aqui. Mexico. Lindo y loco, y tan familiar.

(y sin internet!)

Posted by: nney | May 11, 2006

Goodbye

A patch of red-orange iodine
moves into a clotter sky
Don’t give in just yet
Don’t give in

A group in service uniforms
stand outside a wooden door
She’s laughing, it’s over
Time has been strange
oh…

Last things last is not enough
You can’t accept this
Don’t give in just yet

I hope that last things last
past these first charms,
these pale charms

I hope that last things last,
a hook or a flake
to hold on so you don’t break.

(Last things last by Rachel’s)

Posted by: nney | May 6, 2006

In this, your Nothing, I may find my All!

Excerpts from “The Spiritual Problem of Modern Man” by Carl Jung
(first published as “Das Seelenproblem des modernen Menschen”, 1928)

“The man who has attained consciousness of the present is solitary. The “modern” man has at all times been so, for every step towards fuller consciousness removes him further from his original, purely animal participation mystique with the herd, from submersion in a common unconsciousness. Every step forward means tearing oneself loose from the maternal womb of unconsciousness in which the mass of men dwells. Even in a civilized community the people who form, psychologically speaking, the lowest stratum live in a state of unconsciousness little different from that of primitives. Those of the succeeding strata live on a level of consciousness that reflects the life of the last few centuries. Only the man who is modern in our meaning of the term really lives in the present; he alone has a present-day consciousness, and he alone finds that the ways of life on those earlier levels have begun to pall upon him… Thus he has become “unhistorical” in the deepest sense and has estranged himself from the mass of men who live entirely within the bounds of tradition. Indeed, he is completely modern only when he has come to the very edge of the world, leaving behind him all that has been discarded and outgrown, and acknowledging that he stands before the Nothing out of which All may grow.

A higher level of consciousness is like a burden of guilt. But, as I have said, only the man who has outgrown the stages of consciousness belonging to the past, and has amply fulfilled the duties appointed for him by his world, can achieve full consciousness of the present… Only the man who is conscious of the present in this sense may call himself modern.

Every good quality has its bad side, and nothing good can come into the world without at once producing a corresponding evil. This painful fact renders illusory the feeling of elation that so often goes with consciousness of the present –the feeling that we are the culmination of the whole history of mankind, the fulfillment and end-product of countless generations… we are also the disappointment of the hopes and expectations of the ages.

In the face of such a picture we may well grow humble again. It is true that modern man is the culmination, but tomorrow he will be surpassed. He is indeed the product of an age-old development, but he is at the same time the worst conceivable disappointment of the hopes of mankind. The modern man is conscious of this. He has seen how beneficent are science, technology, and organization, but also how catastrophic they can be. He has likewise seen how all well-meaning governments have so thoroughly paved the way for peace on the principle “in time of peace prepare for war”…

The age of discovery has only just come to an end in our day, when no part of the earth remains unexplored…

Our age is apparently setting out to discover what exists in the psyche beyond consciousness. The question asked in every spiritualistic circle is: What happens after the medium has lost consciousness? Every Theosophist asks: What shall I experience at the higher levels of consciousness? The question which every astrologer asks is: What are the operative forces that determine my fate despite my conscious intention? And every psychoanalyst wants to know: What are the unconscious drives behind the neurosis?

Our age wants to experience the psyche for itself. It wants original experience and not assumptions, though it is willing to make use of all the existing assumptions as a means to this end, including those of the recognized religions and the authentic sciences.

If anything of importance is devalued in our conscious life, and perishes –so runs the law– there arises a compensation in the unconscious. We may see in this an analogy to the conservation of energy in the physical world, for our psychic processes also have a quantitative, energetic aspect. No psychic value can disappear without being replaced by another of equivalent intensity.

…the psyche of a people (?) is only somewhat more complex structure than the psyche of an individual…In some way or other we are part of a single, all-embracing psyche, a single “greatest man”…

Great innovations never come from above; they come invariably from below, just as trees never grow from the sky downward, but upward from the earth. The upheaval of our world and the upheaval of our consciousness are one and the same. Everything has become relative and therefore doubtful. AND while man, hesitant and questioning, contemplates a world that is distracted with treaties of peace and pacts of friendship, with democracy and dictatorship, capitalism and Bolshevism, his spirit yearn for an answer that will allay the turmoil of doubt and uncertainty.

The gods whom we are called upon to dethrone are the idolized values of our conscious world.

The unexpected result of this development is that an uglier face is put upon the world. It becomes so ugly that no one can love it any longer; we cannot even love ourselves, and in the end there is nothing in the outer world to draw us away from the reality of the life within.

We have not yet realized that Western Theosophy is an amateurish, indeed barbarous imitation of the East… Oriental texts ten centuries old introduce us to philosophical relativism, while the idea of indeterminacy, newly broached in the West, is the very basis of Chinese science. As to our discoveries in psychology, Richard Wilhelm has shown me that certain complicated psychic processes are recognizably described in ancient Chinese texts. Psychoanalysis itself and the lines of thought to which it gives rise -a development which we consider specifically Western- are only a beginner’s attempt compared with what is an immemorial art in the East. It may not perhaps be known that parallels between psychoanalysis and yoga have already been drawn by Oscar Schmitz.

Another thing we have not realized is that while we are turning the material world of the East upside down with our technical proficiency, the East with its superior psychic proficiency is throwing our spiritual world into confusion.

It seems to me that we are only at the threshold of a new spiritual epoch. I do not wish to pass myself off as a prophet, but one can hardly attempt to sketch the spiritual problem of modern man without mentioning the longing for rest in a period of unrest, the longing for security in an age of insecurity. It is from need and distress that new forms of existence arise, and not from idealistic requirements or mere wishes.

…And now we must ask a final question. Is what I have said of modern man really true, or is it perhaps an illusion? (JA!)

The fascination of the psyche brings about a new self-appraisal, a reassessment of our fundamental human nature. We can hardly be surprised if this leads to a rediscovery of the body after its long subjection to the spirit -we are even tempted to say that flesh is getting its own back.

The body lays claims to equal recognition; it exerts the same fascination as the psyche. If we are still caught in the old idea of an antithesis between mind and matter, this state of affaris must seem like an unbearable contradiction. (Yay!)

These clamis of physical and psychic life, incomparably stronger than they were in the past, may seem a sign of decadence, but they may also signify a rejuvenation, for as Holderlin says:

Where danger is,
“Arises salvation also”

“In this your Nothing, I may find my All!” Faust.

Buenas noches.

Posted by: nney | May 5, 2006

I’m hung up on you

The other night I watched the new* Madonna video, the one that has some parkour on it.

It generated a lot of emotions on me. Even now, that I am here seated in front of the computer at my office, just the memory of the video, makes my emotions feel trapped inside this human body. I only have ten fingers to type out all that I feel…

Madonna as an archetype of our times, even Douglas Coupland makes a comment about it, in his "Life after God".

She's sure one of the "purest" or more complete symbols of today; a miniature image of this huge human that we together, as individual pieces, make.

She comes from a broken family, it is highly emotional, chameleonic and brain smart (something venerated in our days) She picks up from the air what's going on and puts it down on music, videos, clothing. In this video, the music is loaded with emotion -kind of anxiety emotion? of fast changes; the video has some parts that look like what you can find in Dailymotion; and it would make it better if the "video takes" were actually taken by the people (like the ones in Dailymotion and the like) The best part though, is of curse the people on it, their parkour, this greater force that moves us, that makes us shut off our minds and do physical activities; stop being in thought, and start being in matter.

Here, from my own experience: I was working on something on the computer one night a couple months ago, I think after that I watched cartoons, it was around 2 am in Saturday night (I guess it was already Sunday) I knew I was done with the computer, and I felt the need to get out of bed, I went to my living room and started doing Yoga. I tried some new techniques for headstands and practiced Vrischika-asana or the scorpion pose; so there I was, at 2 am, doing Yoga, I just did. I didn't think about it, I just did, I just had to. And it felt very, very good. BUT what was interesting, is that the next morning I went to Chinatown with G.Velho, we were going to the Chinese's new year celebration, G. Velho is very good doing Capoeira, in fact, most of what I know, I learned it form him (and he is incredibly patient and a good and special teacher!) So as we walked to Chinatown, we were talking about what we did the night before; he said he was playing video games until like 2 in the morning, and then he turned the video game off and went to do some Capoeira in his living room… I told him what I did, and we both were like, hmmm…

Our new video games are our bodies; and ultimately, they are the most advanced technology. I guess in a need to balance the incredibly abstract and intangible internet world, we are turning to the most tangible/kinetic practices. And, we spend so much of our "routine life" outside ourselves, outside our bodies –kind of denying them, doing all this new and abstract activities; that I think now, we want to spend more time inside ourselves, inside our bodies, we want to see what we have, in. And I think we are finding more than what we ever imagined, I am.

"Time goes by so slowly for those who wait
No time to hesitate
Those who run seem to have all the fun
I'm caught up
I don't know what to do"

I'm hung up on you.

*Alright you guys, I have never owned a TV in my life, so maybe the video is not that new.

Posted by: nney | May 4, 2006

it’s a fire

‘Cause this life is a farce,
I can’t breathe through this mask,
Like a fool
So breathe on, little sister, breathe on,
Oh, so breathe on, little sister, like a fool.

Meditation was good, very nice and good. I did the 20 minutes for beginers… Some months ago I read “The Tibetan book of living and dying” by Sogyal Rinpoche, there is part where he talks about meditation, and it was way too funny to read the part where he points out that everybody new to the meditation practice would ask him if 20 minutes would be enough time to meditate -at least at the begining of the practice. Sogyal Rinpoche said jokely that he has never found nowhere on the scriptures the “20 minutes” rule. It was funny, because when I first started, I kind of thought about 15 minutes, I guess Mexicans use 15’s like americans the 20’s. Mass man, mass man and its mass thinking. I thought it was very interesting.

I haven’t figure this wordpress thing, so how do I change the time? how do I add a photo on this post? questions and more questions; I am sure I will figure them out once I have some time to relax and play with it, right now time is tight.

And I was also thinking, what if I die, I mean, how does people on flickr or here is going to know? what if I have a contact somewhere online, and then I never hear back from him or her? what is going to happen to all that data-info just floating online? is that like pollution? like the huge adds on the streets? stuff just bouncing around the net? so I guess it only exists, it only “has” “meaning” if someone reads it, it is only there as long as someone is aware of it, but what about the back country, or subconscious? I kind of believe that everything there is, is contained in my-our own mind, so even if I am not consciously aware of it, I am still, somehow connected and subconsciouly aware of it…

I guess this kind of brings me back to the sound of the tree falling in the forest. Or something.

Which reminds me of this other book I started reading, but had to turn back to the library before I could finish it; it was pretty interesting, the author was talking about how we can not see light, we see what light iluminates, where light rests upon, what it touches, but not light itself..

Physical concepts are free creations of
the human mind and are not, however it
may seem, uniquely determined by the
external world.
-Albert Einstein

Posted by: nney | May 3, 2006

Saltarello aeon

So 'm back. I remember last summer when I went to Puerto Vallarta (PV) with my family; and my brother was playing with the waves on the shore, I have always wanted to be able to do that. To play with the waves without being dragged by the ocean to then latter being abruptly thrown back to land, kicked out of the game… But I can't. Right now. You see, I tried; though I know eventually I will be able to do it, I just need the right frame of mind, and determination -and a warm ocean!

I believe is the same with everything else. When I used to go to spinning at the gym (yeah, it gets pretty cold on tierra Yankee so I did indoor cycling on the winter) I had this instructor that used to say: the way you do this is the way you do everything else. Those words hit me; he was right, the way you do one thing is the way you do all the things. All of the sudden the indoor cycling experience, which so far had been "outside myself" turned inward; I felt my thought patterns spinning within my head. What a trip!

So determination, and skilful means (is that Buddhist?) it's all it takes -Yah, I'm pretty sure is Buddhist.

There is one thing I know I need to do, first even; and that is to bring the mind home, tame the ox, aplacarme. My mind is pretty "free" right now, I haven't meditate in the longest time and with all the little projects I have going on, my mind is going wild; not to mention my yoga practice right now is minimal and I haven't even vaguely phantom a Capoeira move since March. So I do need to seat again, and just melt away. And awareness will come… Do you know?

I just got this book called "The Tibetan yogas of dreams and sleep" by Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche; I actually got it for two reasons, one being that I was buying a book for Marquito and one for Borrego, and I needed .50 cents more so I could have super savings shipping with amazon, I figure I better spend that money on another book rather than paying for shipping, besides, I really, really like saying super savings shipping, fast and aloud. The other reason is because I've always been very interested in Yoga dream; when I was a teen I had a dream, where I realized I was dreaming, I was kind of having a nightmare, but as soon as I learned that I was dreaming, I promptly made everything go away and started flying with a pistachio ice cream. I tried to find people who have had similar experiences -realizing they are dreaming while dreaming, and then doing what they please during their dreaming time. So I got this book and, did I mention I got super savings shipping on amazon? (I like amazon word too).

Entonces, so far I've talked about PV, waves, my bro, spinning legs and thoughts, Mahayana Buddhism, and of curse, super savi… And that is what I mean when I say that I need to take a daily break and space away with Zazen. La verdad. Some organized thinking would be nice.

It would be good to write my blog’s entries after I meditate, this way I can "keep track" (how efficient sounds that?) of my inner trips. And I can make sure I write and meditate religiously -but without religion.

Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. I'll try.

Besos and nite!

Posted by: nney | April 25, 2006

What are they tuning, a harp?

blue neck.jpg

Este post lo comenze ayer, pero no escribi nada, todo lo que habia que decir me lo habia dicho ya, cuando caminaba a casa. Entonces al sentarme frente a la computadora, ya se habia dicho todo.

What are they tuning, a harp?

Everything was so dramatic and complicated, and honestly, I just do not care that much about all that paraphernalia (I like the word paraphernalia). Anyhow, am talking about work, I gave my notice a couple of weeks ago. I’ve been working there for almost 2 years, and, I decided, not too long ago, that it would be good to go back to Mexico, to be with my family, they seem to need their older daugther/sister and I need them and miss them just as much. So I am following the Tao, river, inner force, prana… it kind of took me a while, to hear the wind talking, I’m glad I finally heard from which direction was my name being called.

I am both, a little bit scared and exited. Although, I feel like I do not want to think about it that much, I do not wish to stain the future, whit expectations, projections, fears and all that non-sense. Direct experience, yeah. My mind will be bussy enough recording what happens during the transition on this blog, my journal and flickr. That will be good. My caveman drawings/ computerman blogging; for the future generations and all.

Back to my job, and the notice, and the drama and the fun paraphernalia world; well, now that people there knows that I am leaving, everything is crazy, bussy, fast and kind of exiting, BUT it is also kind of hard; I am learning a lot, a lot; yeah, growth some times hurts, and it is ok, soon I will look back and be like, nah, that was nothing! and I am already laughing about it…

Enough, enough. Tomorrow I may talk about tattoos and CG Jung, and blue skies and pavement cover with grass.

I hope everything is flowing beautifuly free in your world.

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